4 responses to your procrastinating-self that are more effective than name-calling

Procrastination: a huge source of stress. Photo credit: Elisa Ventur on Unsplash

You’ve got big plans, there’s things you want to do, and things you need to do, and being productive is high on both lists. But for some reason you keep getting in your own way - you’re not doing what you set out to do, and you are driving yourself mad. Once you’ve finished berating yourself, read this blog post for ideas of more effective ways to respond to yourself when you procrastinate.

As a coach, I often meet people who are completely fed up with themselves for procrastinating and maybe have reached the point of calling themselves names, getting ‘tough’ with themselves or trying to be more disciplined. But apparently their procrastinating self couldn’t care less. It’s not that the ‘tough’ approach never works but it doesn’t tend to be a good long-term solution, especially for the kind of people I tend to work with - people in helping professions such as the NHS or teachers, or others who are driven to make a positive impact in the world. You are already motivated to do a good job and make a positive difference – you don’t need the push. But something is blocking you. Underneath the passion and the procrastination it is not unusual to find things like people-pleasing, overwhelm, perfectionism, anxiety, imposter syndrome, stress, low confidence, low self-worth, or believing that you are only worth as much as you can produce and fearing it won’t be enough. All of these things can trigger procrastination, which makes most of those things worse, and so creates a cycle. So, pushing yourself harder might be counter-productive because you risk increasing the pressure, stress, and feeling of failure, and making the problem worse in the long-run.

If any of this resonates, you might find it helpful to consult with a qualified professional such as a therapist or coach to uncover or address any underlying issues you suspect may be causing trouble. And in the meantime, here are some responses to your inner procrastinator that don’t involve insults, punishment or discipline, and might be more effective to get you past the block:

People often say they really want to make progress but it feels like there is a brick wall. Photo credit: Anastase Maragos on Unsplash

1.       Just put the shoes on

When I first started running a lot, even though I loved running, I struggled to get back out there every time I’d missed a few sessions (life has a way of interfering with plans). The problem was, it didn’t feel like ‘just a run’. It was attached to the bigger overall goal - that I was now BEHIND on. So I started making it smaller – even smaller than one run: ‘Just put the shoes on’. That’s all I have to do – I don’t even need to run today. Or I would just go to the place I planned to run, or walk some of the route – whatever made it small enough that I could do something. Usually this worked so well that I would end up joyfully doing the full run and be over my mental block, but I had to genuinely accept that it would still be progress even if all I did that day was put on the running shoes or walk to the start (otherwise I wouldn’t fall for it). If you are struggling to do something seemingly straightforward, consider whether your mind could be secretly seeing it as representing or connected to a bigger or more important target, and whether your mind would then interpret any failure as bad news about your value. If so, make today’s task as small and far removed from the bigger picture as it can possibly be. JUST put the shoes on, read the contents page, find the phone number, or save a new blank PowerPoint. It’s like finding the door you need to open and putting your hand on the handle but there’s no expectation to go through it today. And I smashed my running goal.

What’s the smallest thing between you and the starting block? Photo credit: Braden Collum on Unsplash

2.       One thing

Your growing to-do-list is already infinite but yet another day has passed and you’ve barely even looked at it. So take everything off the list and just put one thing (max. 3) back on it. Whatever is the smallest number you need to make it possible for you to face the list. I know it’s impossible to pick one task – but do it anyway. When you get it done, you can decide whether to do more. You’ll have some task momentum, a dopamine kick, a bit of confidence in your ability to do things, taken some pressure off. Or you stick with that one thing, and you have done exactly what you planned. Then the next day do the same again. Faced with an overwhelmingly long list, it’s hard to focus and you feel defeated before you even start, so make it seriously manageable and clear: 1 thing.

3.       Make it intentional

You know when you really try, and you put the time in and you sit there with the intention to do the thing, but you still don’t do the thing? (So exasperating isn’t it?) Next time it looks like that’s where you’re heading, instead of spending the hour pushing paper around or doing unimportant emails and not doing the thing, make the intentional decision to not do it right now. Leave it. Go for a walk. You are probably over-focussed on the thing you need to do, stressed out about it, in a negative and narrow frame of mind where you can only see what can go wrong with it (even if you are not conscious of this). Get out, preferably in nature, look around, move your body, de-stress, give your mind some space. Even without actively thinking about the task (in fact it’s best not to), doing these things mean that when you return to the task you are more likely to see the bigger picture, make useful connections, be more able to focus, feel energised and capable and be better equipped to get the job done (there is lots of research about this). If not, you wouldn’t have done it anyway and at least you’ve got out for some much-needed exercise and fresh air.

Getting out, moving your body, looking at something other than your exasperating to-do list, will resource you to be better able to tackle that to-do list

4.       Know yourself and your tasks

·         Are there certain tasks that you are able to do more easily than others? If so, what can you learn from that? Understand the nature of your block and consider solutions like modifying the task or delegating the task, as well as learning about beliefs you may have which affect the way you are looking at the task or your ability to do it.

·         Are there times when it’s easier to do the same task? What can you learn from that? Is there any flexibility around when you do certain tasks to match your mood, energy or ability? For example, are you more creative after the team meeting, or focussed in the morning?

·         What kind of activation strategy matches the task? If you need to be psyched up and confident try running on the spot followed by a wide, expansive pose and some muscle arms (seriously try it!). If you need to come up with a creative solution go for a walk, even briefly. If you need to concentrate, take a few quiet moments of breathing to and from your belly. You don’t need to expect yourself to ‘just do it’ without some sort of preparation or transition.

Information is power: try to understand what it is about the task, circumstances or yourself that is causing the block. Photo credit: Hannah Olinger on Unsplash

Rest, de-stress, rejuvenate

When you feel behind with what you need to do, it’s easy to spend more and more time trying and failing to make progress, when actually it might be a better use of your time to rest, de-stress or rejuvenate yourself. It’s really hard to do that because the further behind you get, the less you feel able to take ‘time off’. But it really is going to increase your productivity.

Some other things to think about:

Does the thing that you are avoiding really need doing? Sometimes we think things are important that we really don’t need to do. Sometimes if you procrastinate long enough they become irrelevant and drop off the list and it turns out they didn’t actually matter that much. Is it because of your perfectionism and people-pleasing that they made it onto the list in the first place?

If you keep finding yourself unable to move forward, it might indicate that something else needs to change. Could it be:

• Too much chaos, firefighting, genuinely not enough time and space to get anything done, or too many things to do, so perhaps certain things always get pushed to the bottom of the list out of necessity more than procrastination?

• You are burnt out and exhausted. You are procrastinating because you can’t do anymore. Even the fun things.

• You’re not living a life that inspires you and everything on your to-do list is boring and rubbish and you don’t want to do it.

• The things that you are ‘procrastinating’ on are to do with a pathway you are following that just isn’t aligned to your values or where you really want to go, even if it once was?

The relief when you make progress. Photo credit: Miguel Bruna on Unsplash

Don’t forget that underneath procrastination it is not uncommon to find unhelpful thought patterns and beliefs, or things like imposter syndrome, people-pleasing and anxiety. If this is the case for you, the most effective way to change procrastination behaviours may be to address these underlying issues, rather than just focussing on the things you need to do, and are not doing.

If you consider yourself to have an issue with procrastinating and you feel disappointed and frustrated with the lack of progress you are making this year (and last year), or the constant stress of unticked boxes, but you don’t know why or you don’t know what to do about it, get in touch. Whether it’s looking at underlying reasons, coming up with ‘activation’ strategies, reorganising your life, prioritising, time management, making your to-do list more appealing or any other solutions, we can look at it together and help you move forward.

Does any of this sound familiar to you? What do you do when you can’t seem to make progress?